I’m obsessed. Adele’s new album. It was on repeat in my bathroom tonight.
This picture, is reality. I was home alone tonight so a relaxing bath was in order. This was probably one of the most emotional baths of my life and I have taken thousands. I have talked about loosing my hair before (damn you breast cancer) and everyone has been so supportive. I hear echoing encouragements of how I will be beautiful no matter what, hair doesn’t matter, bald is beautiful, how I will rock a wig, etc. But the feeling that I had tonight wasn’t about any insecurity of how I will look, or fear of loosing my hair. It was that this sh&t is getting REAL. The chemo is working. After only ONE round of poison that will kill every cell of cancer that may be left in my body, my hair is falling out when I run my fingers through it. It’s crazy. I have never felt this feeling before. It’s scary, emotional, real and NOT about hair.
After work on Monday I won’t have to worry about clogging anymore drains. My sweet friend and hair stylist is going to save me from the madness. I have had friends go before me in this fight and they have told me to wait until I am ready. Well after tonight…and thanks to Adele singing her heart out in the background, I am READY!
What’s even more shocking and unbelievable to me is that I have a friend joining me. She has no agenda, other than she has had a fear of cancer for the longest time after loosing loved ones closest to her. She told me that I brought a calm to her storm–and I was the first person to bring her hope when she has only looked at cancer as a way to say goodbye. What an incredible woman and what an honor it is for me to call her friend. Her sacrifice is overwhelming to me, I don’t know that I could do it and I don’t know many that would.
This Thursday will be round two, and then I can say I am halfway there. I can do this, I will do this. It’s emotional, it’s hard and it’s lonely even with hundreds of people surrounding me. But I am thankful for every day that I have. I am grateful for every painful moment of my story, for the craziness that I feel (and may have deflected on others, lol) and how it may help someone else in the days to come. The fight is on people, and it’s real. Thank you for loving me.