Herceptin

This Too Shall Pass

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this-too-shall-pass

I don’t even know how long it has been since my last post. I am working full time at Publix now and the days are just flying by. I always try to be inspirational when I post, but tonight I am going to be real.

I have been struggling the past few days when I should be celebrating. I have been looking forward to the end of my treatment since it began in August of 2015. But after my last infusion on this past Saturday, severe anxiety kicked in.

I have been fighting for so long now. Infusions every three weeks for over a year, 5 surgeries and more doctors’ appointments than I can count. My port will be removed on Thursday. Breast cancer is over.

Why am I scared?

My  fear is that if I am not fighting it, it will come back. In talking with other survivors today, I am finding out that these feelings of mine are quite normal. I was fortunate enough to have a targeted drug, the cancer is not coming back. But ending my treatments and having my port removed means the fight is over…and that terrifies me just about as much as my initial diagnosis.

This is where faith steps in. The fight may be over, but now my fight is to declare every day that this chapter in my life is OVER. I have been given the gift of celebrating another Christmas…and another birthday. I have healthy children to be healthy with! 2017 won’t be filled with doctors’ appointments and treatments. Life will return to normal. Although, I am claiming that it will return to BETTER than normal, despite how I am feeling right now.

I can’t thank you all enough, for following my journey and cheering me on the entire way. It has been the hardest thing I have ever faced—and your prayers and support are what have brought me through this. I want to share this song with you all, as it spoke to my heart tonight. God is good. He has been so good to me. Every bit of strength I had, came from Him. Thank you for loving me and letting me share my heart…and my journey.

XO,

C

 

Legs

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legs

I run because I can. When I get tired, I remember those who can’t run. What they would give to have this simple gift I take for granted, and I run harder for them. I know they would do the same for me. -Author Unknown

It has been almost two months since my last post. I have been waiting to feel inspired—in order to write something meaningful. Yesterday was my 14th round of Herceptin. I have four more treatments left. It wasn’t a good day. I smiled in the chair for a picture, to let everyone know I was still fighting…and then I cried the entire way home from Tampa. This week has been hard on me emotionally. My surgeon at Moffitt selected me for a Breast Cancer Awareness spread that will publish in my local paper in October. The interview was Monday and I thought I was ready. The minute the reporter started asking questions I melted down. My Fight Club was here and ready to love on me. I am forever grateful. I didn’t realize that even though I am nearing the end of this mess, I would be so impacted by telling the story of what I have been through over the past year. I wanted to do it, because I WANT women to be aware of their bodies and insist on more tests if they know something isn’t right. That’s what saved my life. I also wanted to tell my story for God’s glory…if not for Him and all of the prayer I have received I would not be here today.

This morning when I was running I found my inspiration. I chose a different route to switch things up. I will be running the Chicago 1/2 Marathon next Sunday, September 25. I was running through a quiet neighborhood and a little boy and his father were walking out to the car. The little boy must have been 6 or 7 years old like my Kade. He was walking with leg braces on, and supporting himself with a walker. His dad scooped him up and loaded him in the car. My heart broke. Here I was running by—and the reality hit me that this little boy may never run.

I have questioned my pain, what I have had to endure, why God would allow this disease in my life combined with the family issues that were going on during the same time. But this morning even with my heart breaking, I feel grateful. I had the most treatable curable type of cancer…and I ran 3 miles after having a Herceptin infusion just yesterday. My body is gaining it’s health and strength back, I have wonderful people in my life, I have the best friends and family—my legs are strong.

It would be easy to be bitter and dwell on my hardships. But this morning I was reminded that staying positive and being thankful is a far better way to live. I know I will have bad days, but all in all…I am blessed.

Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 

 

XO,

C