The Gaslight District
gas·light
- manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity.
One of Oxford Dictionary’s most popular words of 2018: gaslighting. Psychologists use the term “gaslighting” to refer to a specific type of manipulation where the manipulator is trying to get someone else (or a group of people) to question their own reality, memory, or perceptions.
I have come into contact with many skilled gaslighters over the past few years. I didn’t realize what was happening—and at times I questioned myself and felt bad about things I never should have. This type of treatment is extremely abusive. I will say that I don’t think that all of the gaslighters I have come in contact with set out to be malicious. I think that the majority of them were narcissistic. Some of them were clearly narcissists in denial.
By trivializing your thoughts and feelings, a gaslighter is able to gain power over you. They make statements like, “calm down,” “you’re overreacting,” or “you are reading too much into that.” All of these statements minimize how you are feeling or what you are thinking and communicate that you are wrong. Gaslighters never acknowledge your thoughts, your feelings, or your beliefs, which make you begin to question those beliefs yourself. You never feel validated or understood, which can be extremely difficult to cope with.
It has been for me.
From what I have read, most gaslighters have an authoritarian personality. They admit to no faults because they see themselves as right and others as wrong. The gaslighter makes everything about their own needs and desires. They frame their actions as being helpful to their victims, but these people evolve around building their ego.
Taking time to look into what gaslighting is has turned my internal “light bulb” on full blast.
Something else to pay attention to is that gaslighting can happen outside of friendships or romantic relationships. It can even happen at work. No matter the situation, it’s important to surround yourself with people that really love you. These people will validate the truth. The people with your best interests at heart will remind you of your strengths and your gifts—and this will protect you from losing your sanity when facing a gaslighter.
If you ever find yourself in the gaslight district…the quicker you can identify what is happening and the more help you have extinguishing the flame—the less damage you will have to repair in the end.
XO,
C