Before. I met P when I started my new job just a short five months ago. I have always believed that God sends us the right people at the right time, but this time I have proof. She has been there for me since the day I received my diagnosis. She has listened to me, encouraged me, witnessed me loose it–and helped me in so many ways. Tonight, she shaved her head with me. She even went first to make it less traumatic for me. I can’t even begin to describe what her sacrifice and tribute means to me.
After. Here we are in our after ROCKING it! It is just hair. But for me, it wasn’t about the fear of how I would look. I know I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Now every time I look in the mirror, my bald head will remind me that I am fighting stupid cancer and I’m on stupid chemo. I can’t eat after my kids, I worry about kissing them unless I have doused them with hand sanitizer or disinfectant spray. I’m not the homeroom mom anymore, I forget everything, I double book, I obsess about hand washing, I can’t order certain foods at restaurants, I have a new normal…for now. There is nothing about any of this that is fun but even on the darkest of days, I have hope. I have friends like P, who love me and who are there for me exactly when and how I need them to be. They are there for me without me asking, and even when they don’t know what to say. I wouldn’t even know what to say to me. Seriously.
After, after. I still look like me, thanks to my amazing hair stylist Jen. I may have spent on a wig what I really wanted to spend on these Christian Louboutins–but I will wear the wig much more over the next few months…and the Louboutins will come AFTER I kick the crap out of this cancer. Something else to look forward to I’ve had some very dark days and I know there will be more to come. But every day there IS something to be grateful for. I am thankful for my healthy children, my mother being my right hand, my family, my friends like P, my supportive work family, my amazing doctors at Moffitt Cancer Center and my fight club members who have been delivering meals, cards, gifts and encouragement. That’s the short list, there is so much more. Thank you, for allowing me to share my story and my heart. Three more to go…I can and will do this, even though I don’t want to.